You're Very Southern If...
Proper Southerners know how to say and do things a certain way. Many Northerners are puzzled by some of our customs. Being from Northern Virginia (which is technically, indeed, the South), I am aware of many of the nuances that Southern folk know and, frankly, unless you grow up South of the Mason Dixon line, many will seem foreign to you!
A Proper Southerner Knows:
-How To Address A Group of People. Acceptable greetings are: Y'all, You-All, You Folks. But never say "You Guys", unless it is actually a group of "guys". Northerners bemoan our use of y'all and how provincial it sounds, never stopping to think how absurd we think it is when they call a female group of people "You Guys" and never blink an eye! Y'all is always plural, unless you are speaking to one person who is representing a group. For example you ask the store clerk "Where do y'all keep the butter beans?" You mean not just the store clerk, but the store in general. That's where yankees get confused.
- How to pronounce that favorite nut of ours that grows here and is made in pies. We know that its a "Puh-Cahn" , not a Pee-Can! Heaven forbid you would actually call it something that you use to relief yourself in.
Sweet Tea is something that is brewed with the sugar in it! You don't make "sweet tea" by taking regular tea and dumping "sweet n' low" in the glass. That is sweetened tea, not sweet tea, and it won't fly with us.
You can cure anything with Bisquick. Have an upset stomach? A Cold? The Ebola Virus? Just a little bisquick and you'll be sittin' pretty in no time !
To save the bacon grease. You just never know for what occassion you'll need it again
Funerals can be fun! Southrons like to keep our emotions in tack at the funerals by celebrating at the wake! Southern women know that funerals will call for their famous green bean casserole, tomato aspic, (a jello which very few people eat), deviled eggs, and sally lunn bread. Southerners know that funeral food will help wipe those blues away for whoever died. Nothing drowns the grief better than stuffing your face full of fried food.
How To Smile People in the South smile more than anywhere else in the country. This is for men, women, and children equally. But when a Southern belle smiles- watch out! There could be pure poison behind that smile.
How To Give Respect: In the South we open doors for people, address anyone who appears over the age of 16 as "M'aam" or "Sir", and help older people cross the street. We make sure that we give them plenty of time too. Northerners like to rush things. We stop and get out of our car for funeral processions. In the South, we know that rushing things could lead to disaster. You may not get time to exchange that lemon chess pie recipe- or found out who won the Gator Bowl!
Turn Signals are forever: If you're in the South and someone ahead of you uses their turns signals, don't expect them to give it up right away. Given our drawling, slower nature, we love to make the most out of things. Leaving our turn signals on make them linger on the palette a little bit longer. Don't honk at us, we'll turn it off at the next intersection... perhaps
The only things we need: The three things any Southerner can't live without are Jesus, Coke, and Elvis. Those three things we keep dear to our hearts. We also hold dear Robert E. Lee, Patsy Cline, The Grand 'Ol Opry, Sweet Tea, Grits, and fried chicken. If you insult anything on this list, prepare for a duel!
Sundays are meant for church: Sundays you can find us in church praisin' our Lord. Don't expect us to be washing our BMW or Lexus (unless you live some place tacky like Charlotte or At-lanta) on a Sunday morning. We also enjoy all day dinners at church, complete with chicken, mashed potatoes, and iced tea. If you are in a small town in the South on a Sunday morning and you're not an honest person, you can have yourself a field day.
We know our Social and Regional Differences: One of the things in the South that make us more like England is how we are aware of our social standings. Even as many different accents as we have here, we can tell you if it is low class , middle, or upper crust Southern; if its country, suburban, or urban Southern. If it is Virginian, Georgian, or Texan, and even what part. We also know the difference between a redneck, a hick, a hillbilly, a good 'ol boy, a southern belle, a southern lady, a southern gentleman, and a Bubba. We know how to spot one from a mile away. Northerners think every middle class white Southern boy is a card carrying member of the KKK. We know better. Bubba means no harm.
How To Insult People: Southerners like to say "bless his/her heart" before an insult. It always helps soften the blow. Example: That Johnny, bless his heart. He doesn't have the sense that God gave a slug. Or "Bless your heart! How did you know I wanted a Barack Obama calendar for Christmas?"
We know what these food items are: Cheer Wine, Collard Greens, Fried Okra, Ring Tum Diddy, Spoonbread, Brunswick Stew, and hoppin' john.
Finally, we know that : Virginia is the Birthplace of Country Music and Nashvegas is modern Pop music. We know that Robert E. Lee is the finest gentleman who ever drew breath, and Abe "honest" Lincoln, was an evil dictator. We know that the "Civil War" is a misnomer, and is properly known as "The War Between The States". And it wasn't about slavery. We also know that we will rise again!
God Bless the South!
A Proper Southerner Knows:
-How To Address A Group of People. Acceptable greetings are: Y'all, You-All, You Folks. But never say "You Guys", unless it is actually a group of "guys". Northerners bemoan our use of y'all and how provincial it sounds, never stopping to think how absurd we think it is when they call a female group of people "You Guys" and never blink an eye! Y'all is always plural, unless you are speaking to one person who is representing a group. For example you ask the store clerk "Where do y'all keep the butter beans?" You mean not just the store clerk, but the store in general. That's where yankees get confused.
- How to pronounce that favorite nut of ours that grows here and is made in pies. We know that its a "Puh-Cahn" , not a Pee-Can! Heaven forbid you would actually call it something that you use to relief yourself in.
Sweet Tea is something that is brewed with the sugar in it! You don't make "sweet tea" by taking regular tea and dumping "sweet n' low" in the glass. That is sweetened tea, not sweet tea, and it won't fly with us.
You can cure anything with Bisquick. Have an upset stomach? A Cold? The Ebola Virus? Just a little bisquick and you'll be sittin' pretty in no time !
To save the bacon grease. You just never know for what occassion you'll need it again
Funerals can be fun! Southrons like to keep our emotions in tack at the funerals by celebrating at the wake! Southern women know that funerals will call for their famous green bean casserole, tomato aspic, (a jello which very few people eat), deviled eggs, and sally lunn bread. Southerners know that funeral food will help wipe those blues away for whoever died. Nothing drowns the grief better than stuffing your face full of fried food.
How To Smile People in the South smile more than anywhere else in the country. This is for men, women, and children equally. But when a Southern belle smiles- watch out! There could be pure poison behind that smile.
How To Give Respect: In the South we open doors for people, address anyone who appears over the age of 16 as "M'aam" or "Sir", and help older people cross the street. We make sure that we give them plenty of time too. Northerners like to rush things. We stop and get out of our car for funeral processions. In the South, we know that rushing things could lead to disaster. You may not get time to exchange that lemon chess pie recipe- or found out who won the Gator Bowl!
Turn Signals are forever: If you're in the South and someone ahead of you uses their turns signals, don't expect them to give it up right away. Given our drawling, slower nature, we love to make the most out of things. Leaving our turn signals on make them linger on the palette a little bit longer. Don't honk at us, we'll turn it off at the next intersection... perhaps
The only things we need: The three things any Southerner can't live without are Jesus, Coke, and Elvis. Those three things we keep dear to our hearts. We also hold dear Robert E. Lee, Patsy Cline, The Grand 'Ol Opry, Sweet Tea, Grits, and fried chicken. If you insult anything on this list, prepare for a duel!
Sundays are meant for church: Sundays you can find us in church praisin' our Lord. Don't expect us to be washing our BMW or Lexus (unless you live some place tacky like Charlotte or At-lanta) on a Sunday morning. We also enjoy all day dinners at church, complete with chicken, mashed potatoes, and iced tea. If you are in a small town in the South on a Sunday morning and you're not an honest person, you can have yourself a field day.
We know our Social and Regional Differences: One of the things in the South that make us more like England is how we are aware of our social standings. Even as many different accents as we have here, we can tell you if it is low class , middle, or upper crust Southern; if its country, suburban, or urban Southern. If it is Virginian, Georgian, or Texan, and even what part. We also know the difference between a redneck, a hick, a hillbilly, a good 'ol boy, a southern belle, a southern lady, a southern gentleman, and a Bubba. We know how to spot one from a mile away. Northerners think every middle class white Southern boy is a card carrying member of the KKK. We know better. Bubba means no harm.
How To Insult People: Southerners like to say "bless his/her heart" before an insult. It always helps soften the blow. Example: That Johnny, bless his heart. He doesn't have the sense that God gave a slug. Or "Bless your heart! How did you know I wanted a Barack Obama calendar for Christmas?"
We know what these food items are: Cheer Wine, Collard Greens, Fried Okra, Ring Tum Diddy, Spoonbread, Brunswick Stew, and hoppin' john.
Finally, we know that : Virginia is the Birthplace of Country Music and Nashvegas is modern Pop music. We know that Robert E. Lee is the finest gentleman who ever drew breath, and Abe "honest" Lincoln, was an evil dictator. We know that the "Civil War" is a misnomer, and is properly known as "The War Between The States". And it wasn't about slavery. We also know that we will rise again!
God Bless the South!
good point about "you guys" - I guess that really does make no sense.
ReplyDeleteI love the use of bless his heart before an insult. There was an episode of Boston Legal where they learned to say "with all due respect" before challenging the Southern judge. I'm going to start using these phrases before I insult people from now on.
It really softens the blow!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this little blog. I was born in Charlottesville, grew up in Winchester, went to school at JMU, currently live in Charlottesville again. I am a proud Virginian, and my family raised me to value Southern culture, in the hopes that I would grow into a true Southern Gentleman.
ReplyDeleteI am happy to see there are others who share my views and want to protect the heritage of Virginia from the increasingly-northern Washington DC influence and educate others on the true spirit of ole VA.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks, Dave. Please read my post about old Washington D.C. It includes another perspective.
ReplyDeleteAs a native (born and bred in Roanoke, graduated from The College [William and Mary to non-native folk], and taught high school in the Commonwealth for 25 years, I appreciate your blog. We said ya'll (singular and plural), you-all (plural), and all-ya'll (definitely plural)...but then we're hillbillies and don't know no better!! After retiring and moving to Myrtle Beach, I have become nostalgic for The Commonwealth...when I die, sprinkle my ashes under the Big Star on Mill Mountain!!
ReplyDelete